Adam's Beanstalk

A daily adventure-bag of insights and old bones from an unknown poet in Manitoba's south. Caveat: Not everything is to be taken literally. Things are often shaded with poetic crayons; be the owl. Also, not all these bones are collected from different fields. Find themes that run througout each post and the journal as a whole; the most insignificant event may be part of an ear.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Purloined Conversations

There's a song in the air: the voices in the upper room are yelling. It's been going on for fifteen minutes. Is this a record? I hear him yelling that 65 million people died in World War 2. What does this mean? I get nervous. He is shouting more facts. 30 year war, 7 million! Spanish Civil War, 3 million! What is he going to do? Surely he can't add to the facts now. Does she need help?
Today was a funny day. I found four giant old dictionaries (1897)at the U of M Libraries book sale, the best book sale on Earth. They even contain a list of the top fifteen diamonds in the world. This is good to know.
This morning I read Jacques Lacan while taking a bath. Is this not interesting? I take a bath from time to time. We have one of those old ones with legs, as if it pretends to be a cow. If baths were cows, where would they drink from?
After this the phone rings. Here is our conversation:
"Allo, may I speak to meester Foombelais?"
"I'm sorry, you have the wrong number!"
"Wait, wait! It is spel-led F-R-I-E-S-E-N"
"No, he's out right now"
"Excuse me, sir. Are you over 18?"
"Of course I am...wait, who is this?"
"Perfect!"
"Perfect?!"
"You are eligible for our very very special Plateenum Credit Card!"
"Oh, well, you see I don't really..."
"Do not worry, we weell send you this information rright away"
"Alright" [maybe I can get this guy off my back]
"You live at 32B in 377 Brandon Avenue?"
"Yes."
"Good. First name or last name on the card?"
"Last" [they're going to send me the card?!]
"Very good, Mr. Friesen. What do you do?"
"Err...I am a student" [oh no, he thinks I'm travis!]
"What subject do you take?"
"Uh... computer engineering"
"What is your mother's maiden name?"
[Oh no! He's got me trapped] "Loewen...LOEWEN"
"What is your birthday"
"Mmmm, January 15?"
"Very good... you will receive your package in the mail with your new credit card. First I have to get affirmation from you that everything you said was true before we do a background check"
[Oh crap, oh crap - how did it get to this?! Uh...] Click!

Guilt always follows a conversation with a Pakistani man who has trouble with English. You have to help him with words, and he thinks he is your friend. Why did I lie to my new friend? Tell me, what is wrong?

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